Honing In (revised 10/26)

So it turns out that listening and being attentive to God's hints can be fun.

I reached a point early last school year where I found that God was certainly calling me to learn more about the Church and my faith (hence the Theology major) and to work towards becoming a full-time servant of the Church, as in going beyond the baptismal call to be Christ for others and being a "professional", dedicated, full-time minister in the Church. Now the challenge has been to sharpen that vocation--not necessarily to find the specific role, place, time, etc. but to continue discerning what my gifts are and how I can use them to serve the Church.

Hearkening back to Nick's idea that God will frustrate your designs if they don't fit his plan for you, I have found that music is not my calling in ministry. Music is somewhat of a gift in me that I have worked hard to grow; it is something I enjoy and have fun doing; it is something that connects me with people, communities, and the Church. However, it is not my calling.

Little things along the way have showed me that I am meant to sing and contribute musically to God's Church but in a leadership role. I am meant to serve as a music minister but not to be in charge of that. I am a piece to the puzzle not the puzzle-maker-guy.

--In high school, when I tried out for musicals, I was only once a featured soloist (what's up Hugo in Bye Bye Birdie!?). But I was always a prominent member of the supporting cast and ensemble, always called upon to go beyond my name role to be part of the support group and learn more than one or two parts. I was not meant to be front-center in the spotlight but lending the support to the leads that keep the show going.
--During my one year in chorus, I only solo-ed twice during the year and one of those was for Baccalaureate mass. My role in choir was to help me rhythmically challenged director get rhythms and technical things right so the choir would learn correctly. I was a part of the group sound, and my leadership was not in vocal solos but in the rehearsal room making sure we sang what the composer gave us on the sheet music.
--Whether at mass at home or on retreat or among strangers, I have been told I have a good voice as I sing in the congregation. I am a leader among the congregation but not in the choir. In the choir, I am one of many contributing to the blend. But out in the congregation, I am an instigator and encourage participation. (Maybe there's a cantor ministry in my future. I do have long arms...)
--In two tries auditioning for the Band of St. Cecilia, I didn't make that cut. The first time it was a lack of effort, and the second time placed me where I belonged as a double applicant--with the other Counselors that are not in the band. I can sing and act, but my gifts are best served as a dedicated counselor. Great singers and musicians are needed in the band, but I am needed out with the campers doing what I do in congregations and leaving the musical leadership to the best of the best--the Carolyn Pirtles and Jess Mannens of the ND world. (PS: Dear blogger spellcheck, those names are spelled correctly and you should know that because they're awesomes.)
--Also, this recent concert I planned for the six of us to do was a success but spoke to me a bit. My hard work and will power to get things done and make them happen showed through, but little difficulties along the way frustrated the project (losing 2 of the group in the late stages, getting delayed 8 hours by car trouble at home, ...). The overall success affirmed my confidence in being a minister, but the little bumps seem to nudge me from music to other things.

Ultimately, music ministry is still going to be a central part of my life and ministry, just not as a leadership thing. I am best as a member of the group not afraid to be vocal. Also, music ministry is a great formation process because the complexity of all the planning, decisions, and catechesis of it is strong training for any minister.

So through these and other things, God put me in my place where I belong, and I hope I have paid attention correctly to accurately understand God's beckon for me. There's still a lot to learn, but I am taking a concrete step towards high school ministry this summer. We'll see how that high-school/college campus ministry part of my vocation thinking and my inklings towards retreat/retreat-house ministry wrestle this out in my heart, mind, and soul over the next four years...