God Gives You What You Need

My two biggest concerns while doing the ministry of singing in Folk Choir are (1) being distracted from the mass by my responsibilities to singing rather than using song to access the mass/really embracing the text as I sing it and (2) making a dichotomy/separation between big, crowded Sunday mass and daily mass in the dorm with just a handful of people. It's not as if these things consume me and make my head reach the verge of exploding during mass, but they are underlying themes.

Today I was more concerned with #2. I have been going to daily mass at least once a week since the start of Lent last year, and my main focus in daily mass is to focus intensely on the Eucharist, that mystery, and the real presence to come into greater understanding and intimacy of everything that goes on. I have a tendency to treat the Sunday mass with its bigger congregation, additional reading, longer sermon, etc. as something different and separate from that. It's almost as if they are two different things to me. To an extent they should be; inherently, they are two different experiences. However, I overlook the similarities and focus too much on the differences. I need to take the things I learn in daily mass to Sunday mass and vice-versa--take my increased Eucharistic devotion to Sundays and take active participation and ministerial leadership to daily mass.

Even with these ongoing battles going on inside, today was not just a continuance of that but more importantly a buffet of signs of love from God. Just to name a few--people who felt that handshakes and fist-pounds weren't enough on the way off the risers and wanted to hug me, seeing Colleen and Robby back with us, Josh's jokes about O Waly Waly, catching certain people's eyes and smiles, seeing Regina at mass... and the list goes on. Amid the seemingly endless spiritual struggle, God gave me what I need: the consolations of seeing the widespread permeation of His love all over the place today--around me, from me, and for me.