Obviously, as with any strength, it can be a weakness if not moderated. So, yes, from time to time, over compartmentalizing life and blocking things into time slots can pull the rug out from under meaningful things, so I try to temper that with the ideal of total and complete presence--present fully to what I am doing at the moment. That's how I can take my gift and grow as a person.
Well, I decided last week to take an active step in that direction. I was reading over my little notebook that I bring to Adoration for recording clarities that also lives by my pillow for late night thoughts. Here's a note I wrote to myself: "Take all you know about prayer and construct a personal, owned prayer identity."
Ok, me, let's do it. I was trying to decide what to do with myself and landed on the idea of a concrete reminder that would hit me throughout the day. I haven't used anything of that sort since I lost the third incarnation of my Kairos cross freshman year of college, seeing it as a sign from God that I need to step up and own my growth internally without the external reminder. I settled on writing a message to myself, on my hands: on my left hand, I wrote STOP; on my right, THINK pray.
It's been about a week, and besides having to move my message to the back of my hand since writing on my palms smeared on my face and clothes, it's been rewarding and effective. I have a blatant reminder in front of me that sticks with me throughout the day and slaps me in the face each time I judge, lose patience, or fall short. I STOP myself and review the judgment I just jumped to about something or someone; I THINK about why that was wrong and what I can do better in the situation next time; I PRAY for the person and my shortcoming and improvement.
It's hard to come up with a good singular example, but it has just made me perceive things differently and better. I am more aware of the reality that people carry with them. I may only encounter them as an annoying conversation that I don't want to have, but they bring with them a day or week or month's worth of stress or worry or concern that I don't know and will never know unless I listen.
Simultaneously, I need to be more aware of the times I am indifferent (and not just focus on the times I am negative or bad) as well as become more aware of the things people do to me or for me. At least five people in the last day-and-a-half have asked how the Folk Choir concert went on Saturday, and I did not stop-think-pray until now about the love and care that showed.
STOP. THINK. PRAY.
(Dear Blogger: I hate that you refuse to upload my image the way I flipped it)
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