In a Lull

As partially evidenced by the lack of posts, I would describe my current spiritual state as a lull. It is not a period of doubt or diminishing faith or a disappearance of love of spirit and the Church. I simply am lower on energy, focus, and activity. I am also not sad or depressed; it's not an emotional low but rather the inner equivalent of a physical tiredness.

I find myself more tired when it comes time to prayer near the end of day before falling asleep. I don't have the killer instinct and edge when it comes to really pushing myself to be fully diligent in prayer. I have been less active in reading off the back of my hand to myself and moving to stop-think-and-pray during the day.

But by no means is this disappointment. One of the things I know and believe strongly is that I (and we) am strongly limited in my abilities and reason; I am a very gifted child of God, but I am ultimately human. I will have weaknesses, valleys, and lulls.

Silent retreat taught me reinforced in me that God gives you what you need, even if that is something simple or seemingly frivolous, like a nap. After a few months of heightened spiritual activity and conscious action, the lull is no surprise-- it's both a result of that and could be kind of a reward for the effort. This is a period where the growth and development within me has to sustain me while I am low-energy and a bit spiritually tired.

I know I will bounce back up. For now, I'll lean back on my old favorite from Josh Ritter's song "Good Man":

We both have dry spells, hard times
in bad lands-- I'm a good man