The Grace of Awe

by Erin M. Conway

“And awe came upon everyone.”

This line, from the Acts of the Apostles, is used by kinship guru Greg Boyle to remind us of what true compassion looks like. Compassion, he writes, stands in awe of what others are asked to carry rather than in judgement of how they carry it.

Moments of awe are my favorite teaching moments: when I think I know what to expect from my students, who they are, and what they are carrying.

I had one of these moments just last week.

If you’ve been reading my work the last few months, you know race is something I’ve thought about a lot this year. I’ve had a lot of conversations with my students. I’ve listened to their stories. For the most part I thought I knew how they felt. I started to believe I knew what their daily experiences and inner thoughts were. I became frustrated (as teachers are apt to do at the end of the year) by their inability to handle the transition from high school senior to graduate with grace.

Despite efforts to do otherwise, I began to judge, moving myself further and further from compassion.

And then, in the midst of my frustration, my students shared their poems and I found myself once again overcome with awe. Strength, kindness, compassion, resilience. I was reminded once again of how radically different the reality in which I live is.

I hope you listen to their voices.

“And awe came upon everyone.”

＊＊＊

I am tired
I am tired of being sick and tired
I am tired of having this conversation
I fear in the middle of the night that I will have to have this
Conversation with my children
That you will be judged and looked at as less than
Because you are not a part of the majority
I choose love not hate

Because I know that one day the minority
Will have the authority to prove that
They are a priority

Racial discrimination is not blacks against whites
To die or to fight
It's not Christians against atheists
Because we are all patriots
In our nation of obligation
It is ignorance against awareness
That continues to breed unfairness
I choose love not hate

As a community we need to become more open
Open to diversity in our workplace and education
To make room for a new generation
We love people like Richard and Mildred loving
Shoving the thoughts of people's opinion about their marriage

-NG

＊＊＊

We were always treated different
When it came to race
Others said that’s not the case
Even when it came to our gender
We had to surrender

A n*gga can’t walk down the street
Without making a cracker feel uncomfortable
They clench their purse and children
For no f**king reason
Yet we still had to surrender

Driving doing the speed limit
Cops can’t handle it
They kill and beat our black men black and blue
Just because they had nothing to do
Surrender

Can’t even sit at a blooming Starbucks
without making someone uneasy
Call the cops just because they didn’t order anything
You think that we were just gonna sit and not do nothing
No surrender

Yeah right
We are going to show what happens in the dark will come to light
We are going to stand up and then show that the abuse inflicted on our culture will not go unheard
Stand up and FIGHT!

We are going to show that we are human and we have feelings too
We hurt
We fear
We grieve
We stand up
We push back

Till next time…

-AB

＊＊＊

You shifted in your seat when I walked into the room
Did I make you feel uncomfortable?
Does my accent have too many colors for you?
Does my face express ugly truths that you’ve been trying to hide for so long.
Is the way I speak is loud and anxious?Does my outfit disappoints you on what a ‘ classy’ lady should look and dress like?
Dress appropriately not ghetto, ratchet, and trashy
Did you label me yet?
I can see your eyes rolling back saying ‘ Not this again here she goes’
Did you a category that ‘ defines me’
Angry
Black
Woman
Do you fear having a conservation with me?
And I’ll become ‘ angry’
You see us black women have been silenced for so many years
Our mouths being stuffed with obedience
Our dignity being cut up to pieces
We are told to never show that you are hurt
That we don’t feel a thing
I refused to be treated like some object I be damned if you try to shut me out
So yes today I’m an unapologetic black women
I’m unapologetic
Because I’m proud to be a black queen
My voice is my power and I’m not afraid to utilize it when it’s needed
I’m unapologetic
Because as a woman I’m art that was created by god
With a perfect expression of pain, struggle, strength, and beauty
I am black without apology

-RD