My Prayerful Image of God

Over silent retreat, in my hardcore struggle to let go and let God, I doggedly pursued feeling God's love for me independent of my world and my life and my faults. Amid a weekend of silence, mental noise, and naps, I found a fruitful image of God through the help of Scripture and reflection.

"I was like those who lift infants (or in my case, a grown person) to their cheeks; I bent down to them and fed them" (Hosea 11:4).

I internalize this image by walking through a few short steps of meditation and centering:
1. I think of myself as looking upward, as if to my dad when I was younger, and wanting to be lifted up.
2. I am somehow affirmed by who I look to (God the Father), and he reaches down to me.
3. He reaches down and takes me under my arms, and I meditate on the feeling of being lifted up, trying to really feel the pressure of someone reaching into my armpits and lifting me.
4. I meditate on being lifted up and center myself on the idea of God holding me up, relieving me of pressure on my knees and legs and letting me rest.
***The high point and destination of this meditation is resting my head on God's shoulder, putting my hands and arms on/around Him, and considering the amazing position I am: with my face turned towards the Father, I am so near to the "ear" of Him, and His "mouth" is so near to my ear.

This is the way I bring myself to try to be more intentional and focused in the effort to talk to God and listen to Him.