Bigger than Ourselves Ch. 2: Working with Kids, Especially the Ones up for Grabs

by Dan Masterton

Working with young people is rarely dry or dull.

They are in such a time of growth and self-discovery that they are frequently changing, sometimes drastically, but more often in small, incremental ways. You have to do your best to judge their character and invite them to grow, to be good and do good. And you have to try to discern where each of them are at, all along a wide range from immaturity and to wisdom – a practice that will often humble you by showing you things you missed or misunderstood in them.

Even as they let you down and/or confirm your best hopes, you have to above all give them opportunities. You have to identify gifts and passions – in both the immature and the wise – and bring them to opportunities to share their best traits and serve others. Often, ministers find ourselves leaning on the “good ones,” perhaps taking advantage of their reliability, their responsiveness, their desire to make adults proud of them; often, ministers find ourselves bemoaning, chasing, and scolding the “tough ones,” perhaps playing into tragic scripts they’re trying to write. And even as ministers have to check themselves on both ends of this spectrum, there exists also a sizable middle group.

These kids in the middle may have neither discipline problems nor model behavior, may not have academic struggles nor intellectual excellence, and may not have poor judgment nor blossoming faith. Often, they’re just quiet, understated, largely average kiddos just doing their thing. And these can frequently be the kids who get overlooked, underutilized, and even forgotten. Often, all while being susceptible to negative influences if they get there before positive ones do.

One of the most complex yet fruitful processes I was ever a part of in my pastoral ministries was assembling a Kairos retreat leadership team. Whereas one-day retreats are often just a group of plucky volunteer students with a morsel of training, most schools (mine included) use the multi-night Kairos as a chance to do intensive faith formation and student leadership training with young people.

On the one hand, you need some kids with preexisting competencies that you can really hone and shape; on the other hand, you want to take a chance on some kids who maybe have an emerging gift or passion and use the intensive process to give them a lot of close attention that can help them grow in awesome ways.

You get and read written applications. You interview the kids individually. You talk to teachers, support staff, and admins about them. You get in greater depth with counselors about the bits they can share about the students. You try to build a hearty portrait of each one.

And then you attempt to build a balanced team with diversity in many different respects. And you hope you’ve hit upon a vocational moment that the Holy Spirit will nourish as each kid is formed to lead by serving.

All of this is to say: there are tons of layers to young people, especially when it comes to engaging their faith. Teens have so much to navigate, both in their social surroundings and within themselves. It can be a bit of a crap shoot for ministers to be effective companions, and we’re simply called to fidelity – to a good-faith best effort that prioritizes the young person and their growth. This means striving to offer consistent invitation to service and faith formation, encouragement to be in strong community settings (like retreat teams, service groups, liturgical ministries, and more), and trying to facilitate healthy, faith-forward relationships with both adult faith figures and with peers.

In Chapter 2, Madison is a kid up for grabs. Cristina is a kid seeking deeper faith and trying to bring others with her. Katy and Eileen and turning away and trying to bring others with them. And Ms. Hope is calmly watching to see what she might be able to do.

In my ministry, I hope to help young people reach a few milestones: (1) engage with matters of faith authentically, (2) develop a desire to be a part of something communal and bigger than themselves and contribute to charity and justice in our world, and (3) to thoughtfully ask and explore challenging theological, social, and spiritual questions. Hopefully, this would lead them to belief and belonging, hopefully rooted in the Church, but often, that’s not something teens are quite ready for. These three earlier targets were the stepping stones we tried to trod.