For a couple of years now, I’ve offered my students the option to write haikus for extra credit points on each exam; despite the fact that I offer examples of the form in addition to detailed instruction, for some reason my fourteen year-olds often remain incapable of adhering to the technical necessities, so please forgive their occasional inability to count syllables on their fingers. In order to receive full credit, their poems must meet two criteria: they must be funny, and they must be theologically relevant.
Their humor and candor are shining representations of why I love teaching, and I save my favorite ones in the hopes of publishing them in a collection one day. This week, I am proud to offer you a selection with some brief commentaries. (Editor's Note: The students' haikus are in italics, and Dave's glosses follow after each haiku or set of haikus in non-italics.)
The Eucharist thrives
like honey on a beehive
my Father, my Lord
Yeah, that about epitomizes a Eucharistically reverential attitude.
(Jesus): Christians suck a lot
(Me): But you made them, Jesus
(Jesus): You’re right, you suck too
(Jesus): Why is Mass so long?
(Me): How long was the Last Supper?
(Jesus): You make a good point.
The above haikus are incisive dialogues between the student and Jesus. If haikus invite my students into colloquy with the Nazarene, I cannot ask for anything more. This fourteen year-old essentially paraphrases Karl Rahner here: “Those who proclaim Him with their words and deny Him with their actions is what an unbelieving world finds unbelievable.”
Jesus is my God.
He brings me ecstasy, the
Eucharist is yummy.
Not to be taken out of context, this was written for an exam that included discussion of Teresa of Avila. Slash I dunno if they’ve consumed any consecrated hosts of late, but I certainly would certainly not describe them as “yummy.” This student must be some sort of mystic.
Theology’s cool.
My teacher is Seth Rogen.
He has some weird memes.
Mr. Gregory:
making us do too much work,
forcing us to write.
They know me well.
My ritual is
going to Mass on Sunday
and sleeping through it.
At least she’s honest. And at least she understands what a ritual is. Sort of.
You won’t understand this haiku.
Theology theology theology theology theology theology theology.
I don’t like making haikus.
And I don’t like reading bad attempts. Eh, wait... I guess I do.
I am a good boy.
Crack is very bad, and we all
know Jesus was black.
The non-sequitur haiku for the win. I mean, major props; it’s hard to have three totally unconnected thoughts contained within a mere 17 syllables.
Love is much like God
because you have to do things
to make him notice.
Yeah, I mean, I guess.
Well hello Jesus.
You look like you lost something.
Do you want some help?
Yes, I need some help.
Did you look in the up dock?
Up dock? What’s up dock?
I cannot help but appreciate a student who creates a coherent dialogue in a miniature series.
“Jesus Jesus Jesus is Jesus”
is what I hear down the hall
coming from your class
I get it, kid. I’m loud and obnoxious.
I hate tests so much.
It will be easy, Zhada,
you will be fine.
When I take a test,
Jesus likes to stress me out.
He says that is right.
Ah, the student’s prayer. Finding God in all things, indeed.
Mr. Gregory
does not have a majestic
beard. Get over it.
Mr. Gregory’s
beard is so great that I will
trust in God again.
Thirteen was super
easy, you just gave that one
to us, thank you man.
On one multiple choice question, I gave students an option that read “because Mr. Gregory’s beard is so majestic,” and the above three haikus responded to this self-indulgent assertion. Who says facial hair can’t be an effective means of evangelization?
Ezekiel saw
the vision of the dry bones.
Ewww, now real people.
Yeah, Ezekiel’s pretty trippy/gross.
The prophets are cool.
They are way too cool for school.
They get all the girls.
Take note, players. Women appreciate a good prophetic voice.
If God is perfect
and God is love, then why is
my sandwich bad?
The question to end all questions: the problem of suffering reduced to the most potent of simplicities.
Freshmen kind of suck,
I guess you are out of luck;
at least it’s God talk.
The prophets were pure,
unlike anyone in here.
Just kidding, not really,
One particular freshperson apparently does not appreciate their classmates. At least she appreciates Original Sin.
Isaiah really sucks...
Amos was really good at not
sucking. He real dope.
We all have our favorite prophets, I suppose.
Purpose is power.
Wrong, this is not our purpose:
our purpose is love.
This kid nails a critique of “might makes right” in three lines. This gives me the warm and fuzzies.
Ezekiel, one
Isaiah is the second
Jeremiah, three
Chronologically out of order, but I appreciate the style here.
Ezekiel ate
the scroll, it must have tasted
weird.
Yup. I do have to wonder why that third line isn’t finished. Something to do with apophatic unknowing? Or just teenage laziness?
Why do we suffer?
We can only hope and pray.
Well, thanks Isaiah.
Ladies and gentlemen: Isaiah in a nutshell.
There are prophets, yeah.
I am really tired of
poetry. That’s all.
I hear ya, kiddo.
“Ezekiel, eat
this scroll made out of some skin.”
“Yeah sure, hold up, WHAT?!”
When you see “dead” bones
and they start coming alive:
“It’s not Halloween!”
Girl gets it. Ezekiel’s a freakshow.
Ezekiel needs
something very usable.
Refrigerator.
At least he stuck to the syllabic requirements.
God likes me to learn.
That’s why he gave me a brain,
but does my brain work?
I can’t really tell if she was getting at free will or mental disorders. Maybe both? Paradox.
Theodicies, dumb
Innocent suffering, dumb
Everything, dumb
This student lost her father not too long ago, and produced her own haiku of lamentation in light of experience.
Prophets were known,
so guess how many prophets.
Not 9, lol.
Correct, though one syllable off.
Daniel disrupts
and wants to fight with you.
Welp, that is theology.
Daniel likes to shadowbox me every time he enters a classroom, but this young woman does not appreciate his antics, apparently.
Oh theology!
We learn about God and things.
Long, long days of work.
Oh theology!
Please don’t ever miss a class
or that is your ass.
She gets what my class is all about: rigor.
No comments:
Post a Comment