A Nice, Sacramental, Absolvent Chat

by Dan Masterton

As the Campus Minister at an archdiocesan school, I help set up Reconciliation services for the secondary school students during Advent, and again during Lent. Most of our middle school students - mostly from our parish’s families - go forward to the Sacrament with a level of familiarity and comfort, but our high school students - maybe 50% of which are Catholic, and maybe half of that 50% of which are going to church regularly - approach the opportunity with indifference, skepticism, or worse.

I watch high schoolers stay in their spot in the pew, avoid eye contact with us adults, ignore our gestures to invite them up, and generally blow off the opportunity. There are certainly a few students who maintain the comfort level they learned while growing up in the faith, and they readily go forward to take advantage of the opportunity. However, I can't help but recognize and identify with those who eschew the chance.

When I was in high school, our theology teachers would periodically take us to the chapel for a period-long prayer service that included the chance to go forward for Reconciliation. I don't really know what prompted me to refuse - I went to Mass each Sunday, enjoyed retreats, belonged to Student Ministry Team, etc. - but one time during sophomore year, I simply chose not to go. I was the only one in my class of about 25 students. I just stayed in my chair for the whole period. I wasn't interested.

Later that year, when our class went again, I decided to give it a shot. I don't know how I broached it, or if it even unfolded as a formal sacramental ritual, but I complained to the priest about Mass' being boring. He challenged me with the whole "you get out of it what you put into it" and prompted me to invest more when I was there. I took his challenge to heart, not so much because it was profound, mystical grace, but because I like to be challenged and criticized. I was more thoughtful about the individual words of prayers, about following along in the missal with the readings, about singing the songs, about going forward for communion. And it worked.

I don't know that I ever assembled the pieces until now, but that pastoral reception by that priest (I don't even remember who) brought me back. I never skipped another chance at the Sacrament; I have never since thought Mass to be boring; and my love for Reconciliation only strengthened and solidified on my high school Kairos retreats and beyond.

For me, the clincher was his pastoral response. It was someone who took the time to listen and meet me where I was and be a conduit to God's grace, not solely through rigid adherence to a ritual, but by using the context of the Sacrament to reach out to me. This is what the young people of our Church need.

The disconnect that I've seen is that they sit in the classroom or in the pews and observe the opportunity from afar without taking the risk of trying it, whether as a Catholic seeking absolution or as a person of good will who decides to seek an earnest conversation with a minister. I think they need credible and authentic assurance about what they're observing.

Reconciliation isn't telling your sins to a priest; it's a conversation with God in which a priest sits in on God's behalf to offer you God's grace and God's forgiveness.

Reconciliation isn't a requirement to make you tell your sins out loud; it's an opportunity to acknowledge the negative ways we’ve used our words and actions to damage relationships and seek to repair that damage by using our words and actions positively.

Reconciliation isn't about priests collecting bawdy, disclosive stories; it's a privilege they cherish to be a source of support of love to people of faith in a vulnerable moment.

Reconciliation isn't about our having to go to priests as our superiors; it's a chance for those who shepherd our lives of faith to be our companions as we journey toward God.

Reconciliation isn’t meant to evoke anxiety over confronting our sins and dwelling in the weight of our shortcomings; it’s about walking with God through to the grace of contrition, penance, and absolution that brings us great feelings of peace.

Reconciliation isn't a box that Catholics check to allay our guilt over hurting God; it's a spiritual desire we have to do justice by ourselves, by others, and by God through humility and action.

I think the struggle of young people with this Sacrament ties to two major symptoms that our New Evangelization can treat:

• Young people reject religion/Catholicism not because it's bad but because they see it practiced badly.
• Young people reject religion/Catholicism because they feel imposed upon by something that doesn't meet them where they are.

I know, personally, I could be a better example in my commitment to Reconciliation. I honor the call to attend Reconciliation at least once a year, and typically go during Advent and/or Lent. I have certainly had times where I feel I could use a visit to the confessional before I go next forward for communion, and instead of erring on the side of conscientiousness and grace, I give myself a pass and don’t make Reconciliation a part of my spiritual life. But as I grew up, I came to love this Sacrament by working through my misgivings and choosing it for myself.

When it comes to ministry, as much as I'd love some great speech or some grand action to convince all my high schoolers to participate this Advent, I know it won't work that way. My goal is to spend the days before their Reconciliation service sharing this bit of my story. I pride myself in being a relationship-based minister, so I hope I can embolden these students in that way. I'm hoping that my credibility as a person who lives his faith confidently, wears it on his sleeve, and shares and teaches it in an accessible, approachable, pastoral way translates to credibility and authenticity. I feel that my strongest evangelizing ability proceeds from my efforts to be consistent in character and faith and manifests that in everyday actions.

As I sit in the last pew behind my high school students, I'll say a prayer for all of us and our opportunity for repentance and forgiveness this Advent. Then I'll go up and have a nice, sacramental, absolvent chat with an ordained man in a stole.