I'm Not Spooked

5 years ago, I interviewed with members of the campus ministry department at a Catholic university. I had been accepted for graduate school, and I had applied for graduate assistantships in ministry to fund my degree.

During one of my interviews, the staff member asked me if I had any experience working with gay people; this particular school had a sizable LGBT population that was also active in campus ministry. I paused a bit to gather my thoughts and continued with my usual honesty - I wasn't sure.

I had a few gay or queer friends, but I had never been close with anyone who was openly gay. And in my novice ministry experiences, I hadn't knowingly ministered with/for anyone who was LGBT. So, trying to synthesize the scattered thoughts of a brain in mid-job-interview, I tried to elaborate.

I admitted that I didn't have any experience but that I was open to that being a part of campus ministry. I also added that at first the new encounters might "spook" me a little bit but that I'd enjoy and welcome the new experience.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but as I thought about how the interview went in retrospect, I realized that my interviewer asked me several follow-up questions after that answer and had definitely fixated on my response. I also found out that this interviewer was gay.

I didn't get offered any of those assistantships, and aside from what were otherwise really positive, engaging interview conversations, that was the only moment that I didn't feel good about. Something about my reaction obviously didn't sit well with him. Even though I had no ill will or hatred toward LGBT people, something about me came across poorly.

As I've grown up, I've encountered and befriended more diverse people, including LGBT people. I've conversed with teenage students over their sexual and gender identity searches. I've worked alongside people who try to live out their religion faithfully while being openly gay. I hope I've been hospitable, friendly, loving, and supportive. But I don't know for sure. And I know that wearing my Catholicism on my sleeve can be intimidating.

For whatever reason, Catholics as individuals - me included - and as a church have a poor reputation when it comes to treatment of LGBT people. This has never sat well with me. I feel like it largely stems from the fact that we try to toe a difficult line - we believe that homosexual activity is sinful, but we believe homosexual orientation is simply the way some people are made, not right or wrong, but cross to bear; we believe gay marriage is definitionally impossible, but we are called to treat gay people with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. We can live true this to these principles while not being rude or exclusionary.

When I teach my students about marriage and family life, I like to ask two questions as we discuss Church teaching on homosexuality: does the Church hate gays? does the Church exclude gays? The answer to both questions in "no," in principle, but sometimes "yes," in practice. I can't say exactly how this impacts individual people when they consider their affiliation and activity with the Church, but I know that I can do my best to be inviting when I encounter trepidation or hesitation.

I know that I can issue the same welcome and embrace to anyone who comes in good will to seek God in the Church. I know I can challenge all my friends and family all brothers and sisters with strong standards for love, penitence, and reconciliation. And I know that I can offer compassion and support to everyone as they weather that journey.

My hope is that our Church will continue to grow in holding all its faithful to the same standard. I believe we can continue building community on the basis of the Eucharist and our Sacraments, lived out in the communities of our parishes, and carried on into daily in our relationships.

For those of us that serve as Eucharistic Ministers, we are typically instructed to withhold Eucharist from communicants who we know are not Catholic or actively oppose Catholicism or the Eucharist as well as from those who we know are not in a state of grace. I wonder how often married people who use birth control are subject to this exclusion? I wonder how often are single people who live with a romantic partner are subject to this condition? I wonder how often are divorce, un-annuled, remarried Catholics subject to this withholding? And I wonder how often are openly LGBTQ people subject to this exclusion?

I don't know the big picture here, but I feel like our hospitality needs demonstrate authentic welcome equally to all sinners seeking to become saints, regardless of the crosses and temptations that weigh on each of our lives. We can welcome all people, single or married, gay or queer or straight, to seek Christ in the forgiveness of Reconciliation and the renewal of the Eucharist. Let's subject all the faithful to equal scrutiny in inviting their participation and challenging them to growth.

I can confidently say that I am not and will not be spooked by relationships with others who are LGBTQ. I hope my humility can grow in understanding others and that we can mutually be nourished by the love of friendship.

I hope our communion can be prophetic in enfleshing the unity that Christ calls us to build as we glimpse the Kingdom today in our efforts. Let's pray for the victims of groundless, irrational hate, and build our communion in faith in such a way that we outshine that hate's darkness with the Light of Christ that shines in right relationship.