PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN

I am reaching a high point of disillusion.

Not even thinking too specifically right now about sexual ethics, healthy relationships, and broader American social trends, smartphones and social media are driving me to my wit's end right now.

Working with teenagers on a service week this week, I have been at ground zero of the issue. Our students are tied to their phones, and my fellow chaperone and I are dealing with the fallout. Before the week started, we talked about what our policy would be and settled on requiring that phones stay put away during service site activities but can otherwise be used, during car rides, waiting periods, etc.

Wow, do I regret this.

On retreats that I direct, I insist on students turning in their phones or turning in a letter from their parents that states that they do not have their phones. No alternatives. Period. This has been a hugely effective practice. I wish I had done that on this trip, collecting phones at the starts of the days and returning them only at days' ends.

Yesterday, after working four hours straight in setup, distribution, and cleanup at a parish food pantry, we settled down for some group discussion, prayer, and reflection. We had a fairly decent conversation in the context of some prayer, and then we wrapped and waited for lunch to get delivered. At some point during that brief waiting period, every student was on their phone, and at one point, at least 13 of 19 were on them simultaneously. At no point were there any larger conversations between several people in the group; they were in their own little individual worlds or talking only with the person next to them.

When we got in the van to drive home for the night, rather than continuing with our pattern of pre-decided meal plans, I tried to offer my 9 students free choice of somewhere where we could eat together for about $8/person. Over the course of a 50-minute car ride, no attempt was made at group thinking. Great effort was invested in smartphone usage. A few brief suggestions were made, but no consensus was built at all. We finally ended up at Potbelly, simply because two people had suggested it at different times.

Today, taking an hour or so break between activities, I offered the laptop/projector to put on a TV show or movie that they wanted to watch to unwind a little bit. Most students ignored me entirely; one student suggested something; all of them were on their phones. Finally, one student took charge and worked with me to pull up a favorite movie. While it was loading, four of them gathered around another person's phone and watched a funny video at full volume, a few feet away from the projector and entirely oblivious and uninterested in the movie that was starting, never offering to turn down their volume. At no point did any of them try to work together to gather suggestions or work toward a consensus. Just a few moments in a week full of them.

When my fellow chaperone and I see our students turn to their phones, our theory on their motivation is strong - security. We observe that individuals feel more comfortable when they can take out their phone and take charge of the world in that moment - decide what apps, decide which notifications to check and review, decide who to respond to or reach out to, and eliminate the risks of social indefiniteness.

I sympathize with this. When I am waiting for the train, when I am sitting in the doctor's office, when I am early for a meeting or appointment, I do a quick email check or pull up traffic to see what my route home might entail. I get that our phones are the instinctive thing to turn to in order to fill a spare moment.

However, I was very stubborn when I got my smartphone that I would not become a human compulsion, and I have managed to be pretty good with this. I have all notifications turned off except for phone calls/voicemails and texts. I have no "little red numbers" on any of my apps, except the app store for updates. I share a 3GB data pool with my brothers and dad and rarely exceed 1GB in data use, which even feels like too much to me. I know this is a bit stuffy and arrogant, but it's important to me that my phone is an occasional complement to socializing and not a replacement or deterrent.

These students have no intention to set any kinds of safeguards or limits, and I don't feel like their parents know how to do that or have any interest in trying. These students uncontrollably lean on their phones for everything in every moment to the point where I legitimately am unsure if they take in any experience completely when separated from their phones.

Every moment must be filtered through Snapchat et al (Snapchat is the clear favorite among my teens) in order to take on any sort of significance. All messages must be relayed via innocuous videos and selfies, many of which are rudimentary repeats of the same things over and over with little variance. It is 90-100% about volume, immediacy, and responsiveness, with almost no concern for substance or relevance. Students send and consume so quickly that the content is not really relevant; it's the action of sending and receiving that keeps the pipeline flowing at lightning speed to feed the need for constant gratification.

I think the most frustrating part is not that these apps are so pervasive, because they are fun and entertaining. The most frustrating part is that they have become a necessary medium for social interaction. Even when teens are physically together in the same place, they still are more comfortable and more likely to communicate via snapchats than regular conversation.

They'd rather take a video of their group of friends, add filters and text overlays, and replay it to each other rather than simply have a conversation. They'd rather rifle through others snaps and stories, react to them aloud in pithy conversations, and criticize others than live out their stories in real life. They'd rather borough deep into some part of their phone's world than risk being unentertained or made uncomfortable by the naturally unfolding world around them which they'd have to take in and react to without the ability to manipulate it.

I wish they could see how quickly they rifle through their activity on their phones. I wish I could record the screen output on their phones, isolate it, and display it on a projector in front of others to show how rapid and superficial so much of it is.

Education and ministry leaders frequently emphasize the need to meet teenagers where they are and to try to use their natural behaviors and tendencies to help engage and learn. I am convinced - at least for this current group - that this is simply not going to happen. They are so used to be in complete control on their social media and their interactions that they are uninterested in using these social media for means besides that which they decide is important.

I have never ministered to a group that is more difficult to engage, who more thoroughly resists interaction, and who more stubbornly refuses to take charge of themselves in practical ways (knowing our daily schedule, knowing where we're going next, following protocols and rules) yet will doggedly keep track of their phones and chargers even if they can't do the same with permission slips.

I co-manage a Twitter and Instagram for these ministries. I take pictures and post frequently, live-blogging our activities with specific hashtags that are announced and reannounced to students. The account handles and hashtags are on our booklets and all over the websites of our school. I want to be present in those spaces and provide live content that they can consume and respond to with us.

They won't follow our accounts (very few at least), interact with us, or contribute.

I write this largely out of frustration, but even as that feeling abates, my larger point is my sadness over the social destitution this entails. I am witnessing students who are incapable of organic interaction, who don't know how to engage each other face-to-face with words aloud, who cannot work together to attempt a group decision. It makes for shallow community, underdeveloped spirits, and serious concerns for their futures.

How do we engage young people spiritually and in faith, and how do we do this in the context of, or in spite of, their smartphones and social media? I have never really been at such a loss for how to respond to youth in ministry. This is the biggest unanswered question I've come to so far.