the72: Cristina McKeever - Presence

I spend most of my time in a room that consists of mirrors, an accompanist, and a number of amazingly talented individuals. This time consists of sweat, energy, growth, disappointment, trial, error, admiration, love, etc. So much of this precious time can be so easily consumed by a lack of focus, which for a dancer is detrimental in more ways than one. I have learned that it is presence, total and complete presence, that can fulfill my spirit in the most seemingly challenging or daunting of classes. The absolute attention that one can bring forth, physically, emotionally, and mentally in these dancing experiences is paramount to our necessary growth.

I’ve recently been reflecting upon the relationship that I have with my faith as well as the relationship that I hold with dancing. The connection between the two is something that I have always thought about, and the more that I do, the more similarities I find between the two entities. That word, presence, is the driving force for developing myself in both aspects, something that I really did not take note of until I began my collegiate journey. Faith is undoubtedly one of the most challenging concepts to hold on to, yet someway and somehow, I find myself holding on tight. How can something so vague lead me to believe in something so comforting? I believe that is the beauty of it all, we won’t ever have answers, and we have to learn to be ok with that.

The same goes with dance—there is a stigma that views careers in the arts as vague or unknown in the popular notion of success, and because of that they are dubbed as unfulfilling. Sure, I could believe that, but I choose not to—just as I choose to believe in the presence of God. How could I turn my back on something that has helped shape me into who I am, just because it is thought to be unprofitable? Sometimes it seems that it could be easier to not believe in something/someone larger than ourselves, but what growth will we experience without the presence of challenges in our lives? I could choose to go through the motions of my classes, without any focus or work ethic, but THAT would be unfulfilling. I could choose to be aloof to my faith, but I would not grow.

I do not think that it is coincidence that God instilled in me a love for dancing; I believe that He knew that the love I have for it will both challenge and support my faith in Him, allowing me to learn, in both aspects, what it feels like to fail in order to create the desire to succeed. There have been times in which I have failed to depend on my faith and my trust in God in times of adversity by instead trying to handle my own burdens without the hope that faith in God could give to me. It is a heavy feeling to try to handle what brings us sadness, stress, or anxiety without relying on anything or anyone to help ease our troubles. We forget that God does not mind easing what saddens us; He is there in our most vulnerable and challenging times, and he rejoices with us when we arise from them.

I know that dancing is how I am called to offer myself to others. When I decided that I wanted to pursue dance beyond just being an extracurricular activity, it became something that I needed in order to fully develop myself as a human being because it draws out from within me what I do not innately exude. It is one of the most vulnerable forms of artistic expression; it calls for trust in others and trust in the self; it is a constant test of determination, and it is always a form of communication and connection to those around us.

I have a job teaching dance at a local studio near my university. I spend three hours a week teaching and facilitating new experiences regarding rhythm, movement, expression, etc. to kids ages 7-16. Recently, I had to offer a reflection to my professor of my Dance Education and Outreach course, regarding how what we have learned thus far has affected our opinions, our thoughts, and our lives as dancers and teachers. I decided that to best express my gratitude for the lessons that this class presents, I would interview some of my younger students about how they feel about dancing and what it offers them. The answers included:

“Dancing makes me feel alive.” 

“Dancing makes me feel like I can do something in the world, and share that with others.” 

“Dancing makes me feel happy because I get to do what I love with my greatest friends.”

I watched these clips of my students over and over again as I edited the video that I turned in to my professor, and each time I listened to and watched my students deliver such eloquent and honest responses, my heart became so full. This is what makes dance such a powerful thing and something that I willingly give my heart to.

It is an art form that tests our patience, our abilities, and our spirits, but it is an art form that breathes life into those who are present within it. Just as our faith breathes life into us and shapes who we are meant to be, dance has the capability to guide us on how to become expressive, caring, courageous, and honest individuals. Thus, allowing the depths of ourselves (including the parts that are not always apparent upon a first impression) to shine through more clearly and powerfully, revealing exactly who God intended us to be.

I want to offer to others what both dance and my faith in God have given to me. I want to be able to open up channels of expression and honesty, ignite the spark in others that lit my own heart on fire, first for my faith, and secondly, for my love for dancing. My journey continues as a young adult, an aspiring artist, and a developing teacher by discovering how God is present in my passion, my growth, my disappointments, my failures and accomplishments. If I can maintain presence in my craft and my faith, I believe that I can bring to others the gifts that those things have brought to me.

Cristina McKeever graduated from Xavier College Prep in Palm Desert, CA, in 2013, where she was involved in Campus Ministry, Student Council, and served as the Captain of the Xavier Dance Team. From Indio, CA, she is currently a sophomore at Chapman University (CA), where she is a member of the University Honors Program and pursuing a Dance Major and Italian Studies minor. Cristina can be reached at mckee121@mail.chapman.edu.