the72: Bella Bianco - Strike a Balance

Finals are all consuming. For months at a time you cling to a never-ending to-do list of assignments that leads up to the dreaded finals week. Usually, it is a time of controlled panic: caffeine addictions surface; breakouts pop up from stress; dark circles take hold; and sickness often looms.

One can feel like he or she is drowning in material that must be studied. That feeling is only intensified if a particular final could make or break a grade in a class. For that week nothing else seems to matter, not even your health.

However, this finals week I was given the opportunity to step back from it all. My friend Amy and I had decided to take a break from studying for our bio exam to get some dinner. I was cursing my roommate for getting me sick at such an inopportune time, and Amy was stressing about a particularly challenging chapter in bio. We both wanted the week to be over as soon as possible.

Our trek back to the library took us by the front of the Golden Dome, and without speaking, we both stopped and looked up. Even with a grey backdrop, it was as beautiful as ever, and after a silent moment, Amy said something out loud that I had been thinking just a couple weeks earlier: “You know what, everyone is all stressed out about finals, but we are so lucky just to be taking finals at Notre Dame! Pshh even if I fail all of my finals I will be happy to have had the opportunity to take them here.”

With that remark I was pulled from my own head and my focus shifted from what had to be done in the future to the present. She was right. Not only did we have the opportunity to attend college, but we were attending our dream school. It was an opportunity I had fantasized about as a middle- and high-schooler, and I was so caught up in my grades and test scores that it was passing me by without notice.

What was even more scary was that I had vowed just a few months earlier not to let that happen and just a couple weeks earlier that I would remain grateful for the opportunity to take finals at such a great place regardless of how difficult they might be. I promised myself I wouldn’t lose sight of God and all that He had given me and yet I still fell victim to finals week.

I am thankful that, in an ordinary walk back to the library, God reached out to me through Amy and called me to be present and therefore also thankful and happy during a time that is filled with anxiety and stress. I was better off that week because of it.

This however was not a one and done occurrence. There will be more finals weeks, more times in my life when there doesn’t seem much to be thankful for, when looking forward seems like the only option. So the question begs, how can I be more attuned to God’s call to be present?

I think there is a way in which I can work backwards. If God’s call to be present opened the doors to being thankful then being thankful can lead one to be present. The act of giving thanks requires you to recognize that which you have already been given. Intentionally naming those things that already bless your life raises a greater awareness to their existence and lessens the chance that something, as simple as a sunny day for example, will be overlooked and taken for granted.

But God’s call to be present goes beyond just being thankful. Authentic presence to God, friends, family, and the like requires a giving of self. Naturally, I only have so much of myself to give away. If I spend more time and energy being truly present to a friend then I have less time and energy to devote to schoolwork.

In order to live out my ministry as a student and perhaps one day as a doctor, I must strike a balance between assignments and friends, family and work, patients and myself, in a way that is oriented towards God. My ultimate ministry is to be Christ-like, to give myself completely over to God. My human nature is that I simply cannot be present to everything all the time.

So as student, friend, daughter, doctor, etc. I must abstain from getting lost in any one of my other ministries in a way that detracts from my ultimate ministry. During finals week I had become so focused on my current vocation as student that I lost sight of my vocation to be Christ-like. And it wasn’t until the moment in front of the dome that I was able to reorient myself in gratitude towards God.

Bella Bianco graduated from Xavier College Prep in Palm Desert, CA, in 2013, where she was involved in softball, soccer, Mock Trial, Campus Ministry, and Student Council. A native of Indian Wells, CA, Bella is currently a sophomore at the University of Notre Dame. She worked this past summer as a Mentor-in-Faith for Notre Dame Vision and is a member of the Anchor Leadership program. Bella is double-majoring in Pre-Health Studies and Philosophy. Bella can be reached at ibianco@nd.edu.