May I Have Your Attention Please?

We don't pay attention to much. Whether it's due the proliferation of our technology, especially that which we can hold in our hands, the advent of social media, or just a cultural or generational shift, we're pretty picky and choosy about what we pay attention to.

How many tabs are open on your browser right now? How many applications do you have running on your laptop or mobile device? Is your TV on too? How many electronic devices are within 10 feet of you right now? At best, this is productivity; often, this "multi-tasking" is scatter-brained and dilutive. Sometimes I have to stop myself at work as I realize that I've stopped reading an e-mail halfway through because I pulled up a Word-doc that I need to edit but then left my table to go grab something  else from my desk. I try to get myself to slow down and do one task at a time before my focus gets split across several things. (Even while writing this blog post, I was shifting apps back to my work e-mail and thinking about what polo size to order from our school secretary who is organizing our apparel for next year.)

Even when we do pay attention, it's often carefully crafted. If we want to watch a show, we DVR it or pull it off OnDemand instead of watching it live. If someone wants to show us a funny YouTube video, we drag our feet, wonder how long it's going to be, and try to figure out why this person thought this was so funny in the first place. Personally, I have a bad habit of starting leave a room before my conversation with a person is over; I start to move toward the door as I wrap up what I'm saying, regardless of whether or not the other person is finished.

One of the worst ways I see this is in the teenagers I work with. Most often, I'm in front of them to issue an invitation, welcome them to Mass, or occasionally, to lead a lecture/discussion in the classroom. Their blankness of face and lack of eye contact is just a baseline - that's not unique to the traits of any particular generation or culture. Rather, it's an external sign that can't be read into too deeply to discern interest levels; people who look engaged are probably interested, but people who look glazed over aren't necessarily checked out.

The tough part is when they're faced with a question - whether obvious and based on information presented just moments earlier or a deeper, thought-provoking question that invites personal insight - they're largely unresponsive. They will stare right through you and offer no verbal response. Occasionally, after some teeth pulling, they'll answer; or they'll catch up with you later and thank you for what you said. But in the moment, their apparent apathy is profound.

Now I know to some extent, this is a timeless issue that can be found anywhere. But here I think it can be tied to a particular trend in modern society: we insist on our attention being earned at our specific consent. We almost refuse to simply be attentive. Something has to draw us in for us to care.

I was raised to pay attention and give respect to anyone who is talking, whether directly to me or addressing a larger group. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a child of the 80s/90s or because of my parents, but when someone talks, I listen. I'm certainly guilty of texting while conversing or spacing out at times, but my default is that others deserve my direct attention and eye contact.

The trend I see and hear from students at assemblies, in classrooms, and on retreats is that they only pay attention when they feel like it. If something makes them laugh a certain way, if they are in control and not beholden to anyone else's directives, if they have little structure and set their own course, then they are much more attentive. When it comes to listening to readings or a homily at Mass, to following a teacher's lecture (especially in non-math/non-science when you don't need to follow along as closely), or to hearing announcements or instructions, they just don't give a hoot. And then they follow up with questions specific to the things that they spaced out on. If they're not in charge of themselves, they won't give their attention and energy.

This behavior troubles me because sometimes I'm most impacted and formed by things that I'm not expecting. For example, this past semester, I was simultaneously frustrated and enlightened by my Christology class for graduate school.

I struggle with edgy, radical theology, and our professor heaped on liberation theologists, feminists, and authors who were nearly silenced by the Vatican. At the same time, he provided us reading from encyclicals, from traditional theologians, and from the CDF, specifically their replies to these radical writers. The dialogue that ensued in our forums, in my short papers, and in my term paper brought me to a much more diverse understanding of Christ that definitely broadened my foundation beyond basic Chalcedonian (orthodox) thought.

If I had looked at the syllabus and dismissed these new voices rather than giving them patient attention, I could not have learned much. I would have denied myself potential growth. I would have missed out on growing closer to God.

So when you get to Mass and loathe that a particular priest that you don't prefer is saying Mass, we need to get over ourselves and pay attention even more closely to his homily. When a friend or family member or co-worker sends an email or message or talks to you, increase your patience and search for God working in that moment. When your roommate is watching a particular show or sport that doesn't thrill you, sit down and watch with them anyway.

Let go of the need to be in control all the time and embrace the opportunities to learn from someone, something, or somewhere unexpected. God is always looking for us, giving us opportunities to love one another in His name. Don't miss out on an opportunity to love just because you don't feel like paying attention!