Good Friday Reflection

I was troubled today as I walked the Way of the Cross in my dorm's chapel today. Going station to station with my little reflection book (done by John Kyler!), I could hear people yelling and swearing in the nearby stairwell and loud music pumping through the walls and ceiling of the building. Being fully aware of how the power of Jesus' person and actions still has yet to permeate the lives and faith of others and myself, the Stations remind me -- especially #12: Jesus dies on the cross -- that Jesus takes all of our imperfections and sins upon Himself, loving us first and always, even before we make our penitence and return to God (or come to Him for a first time).

The reflection I want to share comes from hearing the Gospel of the Lord's Passion from Matthew on Palm Sunday. I had one of those light-bulb moments that the Scriptures can so often occasion within us.

In the middle of lengthy narrative, Judas reappears with his band of police to arrest Jesus. One of Jesus' friends draws his sword and severs the ear of a soldier. Jesus rebukes him and delivers the famous line about living and dying by the sword. However, his next line is the one that hit me anew:

"Do you think that I cannot call upon my Father

and he will not provide me at this moment
with more than twelve legions of angels?
But then how would the Scriptures be fulfilled
which say that it must come to pass in this way?” (Matthew 25:53)

In a world and a life where we have access to God and His enduring love, we nonetheless screw up on a regular basis. We fall into old habits and negative patterns that we just can't seem to shake. Sometimes the simple reality that we can do something makes us think, even implicitly or subconsciously, that we should do it, or are at least allowed to do it.

This is an especially tough problem for those negative behaviors that happen behind closed doors, in our own privacy, or even in our minds and hearts. There is no enforcer and governing body inside us. We are left to our own conscience, our guilt, our hearts, to monitor ourselves. We use prayer and the Church and liturgy to find solidarity with others and remember the place that God can and should have in it all.

However, we are ultimately left to our own freedom -- this freedom that God gave us as a gift so that we would come to know His love through free embrace of it.

Let us look to the example of Christ: facing what He knew would be His brutal, painful death of torture and crucifixion, moments after praying that the cup pass Him by but deferring to God's will, Christ is faced with His arrest. Not only will His friends try to save Him -- advancing on Jesus' captors with violence -- but also, Christ knows He can use His power to call down the forces of heaven to save Him.

This is another time when Christ is giving us the perfect example. In the face of death, He resists the urge to do what He can to do what He must. He does not divert from His path of perfect freedom: He continues to align His will perfectly with the will of God. Rather than submit to selfish desires, He embraces the will of God that He offer Himself as the perfect sacrifice to expiate our sins and begin the most powerful display of love ever seen.

Here is the ideal that we strive after. We must resist those temptations to do whatever we are free to do. We must utilize our freedom to discern and follow God's will. Our free will is a gift from God. Rather than program us to follow His directions, God gives us the gift of freedom so that we might make our own free decision to love.

It all begins with the little decisions we make. Can we follow Christ's example and resist the opportunity to do things just because we can?