Rounding out on the eve of Vision 2010

This past ten days has been a whirlwind of intensive pastoral-theological training, socializing and relationship building, some concrete work, and team- and community-building. It also been a time of emotional and relationship change, growth, and upheaval. Without going into the specifics of either the formal stuff or the things life held, I can simply say that this has been a significant, crazy but solid period of final yet non-ultimate formation.

The powers of community have been so apparent all around. I learned with my friend how to embrace and appreciate the full reciprocity of community. Regardless of which is easier or harder for a person, often we can forget that community involves both being intentionally present for brothers and sisters as well as utilizing their support to be present for you in your problems. I learned how to help someone realize that reciprocity while taking advantage anew of the support of my brothers and sisters. The best example I have is mildly surprising.

Solid runs with my broha's Colin and Kurt have taken us down sidewalks and wooded trails but also to places of sharing, vulnerability, and trust that are so life-giving. The conversations occur alongside physical engagement and serve as a beautiful grace in such a way that we can honestly feel that we've prayed by sharing this experience. That's just a microcosm of the various threads and flavors of community that are brewing all around me. My heart is overflowing right now with all these streams of love to reflect upon, and I hope that God will continue gracing me with the love while also helping strengthen me to let myself be loved, to love back rightly, and to be appropriately aware of the love in thought, prayer, and life.

I also found a beautiful peace in the final Eucharist of this whirlwind. I had my first Reconciliation experience in six months the day before, and I followed the idea we will try to encourage of finding a negative pattern in my life rather than simply laundry-listing sins. By doing so, I was in a place of better self-perspective. Ironically, or maybe not, I did not feel an overwhelming deluge of grace or transformation. And somehow that was just right. I felt a peace that was a process, and the sacrament was just a cementing, a final step, in that process of healing that God shepherded me through.

In building the pastoral skills and learning the logistics of our role as mentors-in-faith for Vision, I have really felt at home as a counselor as opposed to a musician. Having been rejected last year in my audition for the band, I struggled with feeling that in principle I belonged in that group. It was a beautiful gift to not be rejected but rather redirected to positively realize my place. I am built, in my gifts and outlook, to be present to these participants as a counselor. I know that in my head AND heart now, and it's not a negative thing at all; I have positively embraced my call to serve here as a small group counselor. Jess is running the band this year and thanked the counselors for participating fully with the band in the prayer during the prep weekend, and she encouraged us to use our energy and confidence to lend the joy we feel to our singing and in that way give permission to the kids to join us. What an opportunity for me to serve rightly: singing is a gift and a passion for me, but it's not THE gift for me... so here I have a real chance to embrace my place somewhere between a clueless and timid singer and a Musician. May God guide me into a joy-filled happy middle.

As we wrapped on our intentional day of progressing toward dwelling in the promise of God in a away that would allow us to serve best, our small groups digested the day. I sat back and listened to many good insights before I was invited to break my silence. God inspired me with the insight that will guide my initial approach to this ministry: I must find a peace with all I have been, all I am, and all I am being and couple that with this process of formation to be in a place of wholeness and balance; in this way, no part of me will be imposed on the conference or the people, but rather, the participants can draw out of me what they need most. If I am in a peaceful balance and wholeness, with God's help, the right aspects of me and my formation will meet my new friends where they can most help. So my prayer is that God may make me whole, amid all the struggle and apparent hardship, amid all the ecstasy and joy.

My iTunes song-mantra-night prayer as Day One nears is White as Snow by Jon Foreman...
"Would You create in me a clean heart, oh God
Restore in me the joy of my salvation
Wash me white as snow
And I will be made whole"

Thoughts on Adoration...

In late May, a bunch of Folk and Lit Choir kids were back on campus for six days to sing for prayer services and liturgies for the Campus Ministry Symposium going down at Notre Dame. We were housed and treated as full participants, meaning not only were we put up in air-conditioned West Quad dorms but we could also attend talks and stuff. I welched out of a talk early in the week due to short attention span, but later in the week, I went to "Adoration to Action" with some friends to hear about connections between the solemn prayer and active service.

The room was full of maybe two dozen or so campus ministers and active religious who seemed to be in strong consensus that adorers were not concretely connecting their prayer to service work. The problem was more theoretical for me and my student-friends, but for these people, the situation was reality within their campuses. They were seeking ways to improve spirituality however you can improve spirituality. Their comments were insightful and eye-opening but reflected a sad reality that I'm sure sets in on many ministers as they face both the joys and frustrations--they mostly seemed to treat the situation as a "problem" that can have a "solution".

Some of the questions raised were thought provoking, so I'll re-offer some here for you and give my "answers" as well...

How should iconography around the Blessed Sacrament be? Should it be chosen to reflect active service to go with the prayer?

Our speaker, Mike Griffin from Holy Cross College, kicked around the idea with the group that perhaps the iconography and Church art surrounding Adoration could be chosen to more directly inspire thoughts and prayers on service. The thought is good, and we should embrace the diversity and variety of great patrons we have in Church Tradition. However, I draw the line at trying to effect more direct influence of people's prayer. I think that iconography is a rich opportunity to manifest the great stories and models of our faith, but we should not exploit it too much.

I feel that Adoration should occur in whatever places are available and willing to prepare the Exposition properly and piously. If the intention and organization exists, believers should be given the chance to pray before the Blessed Sacrament, which is not to say that we should just make every sacred space an arena for this kind of prayer. I don't think that chapels and churches should be altered or customized in any extraordinary way beyond doing that which increases the reverence and solemnity of the special prayer. On the other hand, if a chapel is being specially built new for a purpose, then the iconography should be selected in an intentional way to fit the community and/or patron. For instance, the new chapel in Geddes Hall, where the Center for Social Concerns is housed on campus, has stained glass window depicting the Corporal Works of Mercy and saints that epitomize the deeds. This is fitting and appropriate and utilizes the communion of saints in the right way, calling us to this action and emphasizing the luminous work of a Christian-influenced service organization. So having Exposition in there would carry those invocations but would not necessarily suggest manipulation. On the other hand, having Exposition in a different chapel but adding or changing iconography to be more in this vein suggests more of a manipulation to me. I think at most, all organizers of Adoration can do is supply a variety of inspiration to its participants...

Should prayer materials in Blessed Sacrament spaces intentionally encourage service and action?

I think that the key is variety so as not to infringe upon the freedom that one should carry with them into prayer. Prayer must be honest and heartfelt, so the participation in it by a believer can be an honest cultivation of their relationship with God. Adoration is an important opportunity for this because in enables a believer to bring this intention of being with God into stark reality, as they pray before the mysteriously present Christ.

I think an example of my view here can be seen in saints' feast days. Often when I go to daily mass in Zahm, Fr. Jim will invoke the saint whose feast day it is in the prayers of the mass and even in tidbits during the homily and/or the final blessing, whether through the actual book prayers or his own directive comments. Fr. Jim offers the saint, his or her story, and his or her patronage as an access point to prayer, an inspiration or spark to our spirits. However, he does not insist on our worship being focused solely on the saint. The mass remains an opportunity to hear the Word and celebrate the Eucharist. The inclusion of a saint and his or her feast simply adds to the diversity of access points we gain to worship of God, to prayer, and to growing closer to Him. The mass invites us to worship, but ultimately, Christ, in the Eucharist, remains the focus point. So it must be in Adoration.

Chapels for Adoration would do well to offer believers a variety of materials to help calm them down, inspire prayer, or provide words to one's prayer. However, the worship aids offered should not even implicitly limit or constrict the range of one's prayer. Regardless of one's motivation for coming before the Lord, one must come freely with his or her own thoughts and heart open to the Lord as Christ is profoundly before them. Prayer cards or inspirational readings on service would be helpful to inspiring Christian service and justice and action, but they can in no way be limiting or infringing upon the variety of ways that a believer can enter into this prayer. The line of prayer must be from the believer to God. Part of the Christian life is self-giving service, but it must come freely. Exposing a believer to the light and power of Christian service is important. However, it should not come through anything bordering coercion and definitely cannot come from anything resembling the manipulation of solemn prayer.

Why do we do Adoration? What is the purpose/function? (more an implied question from the discussion)

This is a tough question that, admittedly, I probably could not have answered until after Maria, Jason, and I started digesting the discussion after it ended. Thanks to hashing it out with them and thinking about it a bit, the best thing I can come up with is: Adoration is a unique, profound opportunity for solemn prayer literally before God. Our conversation hinted at how it should be something directly between the believer and Christ, but I think that realistically is has to be a bit wider than that ideal. The ideal is what we strive for, but as we grow, I think Adoration is an opportunity to contextualize one's life in a very unique, profound way.

When I go to adore, I bring it all with me. Sometimes I only just get through worrying about it all in the half hour; other times, I can't finish worrying in the half hour; more frequently, thanks to advice from my spiritual director, I would get the worrying out of the way right away (he advised me to just put it all out there forthrightly and honestly but quickly and at the start so as to not simply worry before God, because that's not entirely what prayer is). Regardless of the amount of time I spent "worrying", it was an honest part of taking the time to sit before Christ in prayer. So even though the line was sacramentally, really, and profoundly between my heart and Christ, the reality and weights of my world remained an honest part of the equation. Adoration provides a special opportunity beyond the Eucharist of the mass to pray with and before Christ. It is an additional venue in which we can grow with and for Christ. Ultimately, Christ remains the focus and the triumph of this prayer, but in it, we can face our lives, our weaknesses and strengths, and our triumphs and our downfalls in a special environment where Christ is profoundly present in the mystery of the Eucharist.